So, yesterday was a strange day, filled with sadness, some relief and a little craziness, too.
It was the 20th anniversary of my son’s death. 20 years ago, I woke up rested, which as the mom of a 3-week-old, immediately felt wrong. I raced in to the baby’s crib, and he was dead. 20 years later, I have recovered, life goes on and is good, and I don’t get too wrapped up in the memory. That is, until the anniversary of his short life and death. Then, each year, the memory floods back, though without the shock that numbed my feelings those many years ago. It’s a sad, heavy-type feeling that comes upon me each year over the months of January and February, with the worst being the actual anniversary dates.
However, it isn’t at all debilitating. I allow myself to remember, and allow myself to grieve for the loss of my little boy. I remember what he looked like, what he felt and smelled like, how it felt to hold him. And I imagine what he would be like now, what he would look like now. His short little life deserves to be remembered.
But, I also for the most part go about life as usual, and we had a luncheon to go to. A woman in our co-op had organized for some of us to go to her brother-in-law’s restaurant, called Zapatas. I did a little research and discovered Emiliano Zapata is a Mexican hero. In the early 1900’s, he fought for land, liberty, and justice against a corrupt government.
So, that turned out to be my little crazy experience. My husband left early from work to meet us at the restaurant, which serves authentic Mexican cuisine. Another family met us there, too, and then we were expecting the family of the woman who arranged it. Well, we arrived and were a little worried to find out that the staff knew nothing of our visit. The owner, her bil, wasn’t there. And neither was she!
Why haven’t I learned to take all my contact info with me?? Why, for that matter, haven’t I inserted everyone’s number into my cell phone??? I just haven’t gotten around to it! Without that info, I had to call a friend, who had to track down the missing organizing woman’s phone number and call me back. I finally got her on the phone, and said, “um, Alison, we’re at Zapata’s…where are you?” And I heard her shock on the other end of the phone. She’d forgotten! The poor dear broke into tears. She’s the mom of both a teen and a baby and she works. She’s involved in ministries at the church, and she’s just overwhelmed. She was horrified and couldn’t believe that she’d forgotten.
For me, I was just glad to get out on my sad anniversary date and enjoy a good lunch with my dh and some friends. Once you compare the reality of a child’s death with other events, like forgetting you organized a co-op luncheon, there really is no comparison. To me, it was strictly a minor inconvenience. For her, though, she felt terrible.
It was actually kind of a funny situation to be in. Here we are in a restaurant, and the staff had absolutely no idea what to do with us. : ) We got it worked out, and had a nice lunch, although the field trip had been promoted as the kids getting to try some foods they normally wouldn’t eat, and they just ended up ordering a kid’s meal off the menu like usual. And we also had expected to get to make tortillas, and we didn’t get to do that either. But the food was great, and I enjoyed the meal and the company.
And, while I was there, I received a phone call from my doctor about a recent biopsy I’d had done, which was negative. That was my relief. : )
God is good! And I am His child!!!! : )
Oh, and we watched American Idol in the evening after awana (at which my dd finished her book!) Our favorite singers were Michael Johns (the australian who sang Jim Morrison and just blew me away!), Jason Castro (the one with the dreadlocks), and David Archuleta (who has a great voice and is just simply adorable!). And Danny Noriega’s expressions just had me laughing so hard! What a fun show! : )